The Heartbreak of Reality
by catholicorprotestant
Summary: Reality hits Oikawa hard after losing to Karasuno at the Spring Tournament semi-finals. One shot. IwaOi


_**Sorry, I just had to get out Oikawa's reaction to realizing the weight of losing the tournament to Karasuno and what that would mean for him and Iwaizumi**_

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The sound of the ball bouncing on the wood floor was deafening in Oikawa's ears, his arms still stinging from his futile attempt at receiving. Time stopped. It was there. It was coming for him. He could see it. He knew he could stop it. The sound of the whistle pierced in his already abused ears. How could they have won? How could that shrimp have gotten through? He straightened up, swallowing hard. He had to stay composed. He was the captain after all. He couldn't show anything. Honestly…he just felt numb.

He walked toward the net, eyes glued to Tobio. The underclassman stood there, returning the gaze. Oikawa narrowed his eyes at him. This kid really pissed him off. Ever since he showed up Kitagawa Daiichi. This brat, this show off. He wanted to crush him, but they were even.

"Now we're one loss, one win. Don't get on your high horse." He glared.

"I won't," Tobio returned the glare.

Oikawa turned walking away to line up. His team mates were trying not to cry or crying. He hated it. They were supposed to be going to the finals. They were going to play Shiratorizawa and win. Not lose to some fallen powerhouse. They'd trained so hard. They were the best of the best. Most of them had been playing together for years. They had chemistry. He had tried to bring out the best in every single one of them. And now this. He couldn't comprehend it. It didn't seem real.

They lined up, and thanked each other for the game. Oikawa finished out his duties as captain, his mind still racing. He joined the rest of his team as their coach gave closing remarks. He glared at the ground as his teammates one by one fell victim to the weight of the loss. He had to stay composed. Now more than ever. Breaking the tension, he announced that they should go thank the supports.

He noticed Iwaizumi stop in his tracks. He knew was he was thinking. He was blaming himself. He was supposed to be the ace. Oikawa felt his stomach turn. He hated seeing his best friend like this. They were all blaming themselves, but Iwaizumi had no right to blame himself. It was he that threw the tosses. He couldn't look at his face. He couldn't bear to see his tears. If he saw him crying, he'd lose it. He couldn't do that. No now. Not yet. He slapped his hand on the boy's back, letting it linger just a moment before slowly pulling away and lining up. He knew he understood the meaning.

Oikawa rounded the team up and started in on the process of moving everything back to the bus. The team had dispersed. Some going to regroup. Others going to cry privately. He didn't blame any of them. He hated to breakdown in front of others too. He put on his best smile congratulating the teammates he did see and encouraging the underclassman for the next year. They were still Aoba Johsai after all! He went through rounding up the remaining students to leave.

He slid down into his seat next to Iwaizumi. They were silent for a while. The whole bus was deafeningly silent. He didn't look at anyone. He couldn't. He felt Iwazumi's hand find his, their fingers intertwining. He closed his eyes, returning the firm squeeze. He rested his head on the boy's shoulder. He was so calming. The familiar scent of his deodorant mixed with sweat after the hard fought match. He felt the tension leaving his body. Iwaizumi brought their hands to his lips and kissed Oikawa's knuckles. Oikawa straightened up.

"So are you going to go tomorrow to watch the game?" Iwaizumi asked.

"No." He crossed his arms, glaring at his feet. "It'll piss me off. No matter who wins it'll piss me off."

"I knew you'd say that," the boy let out a soft laugh. "You're such a shitty person."

"Shut up," Oikawa muttered, resting his head once more on the other boy, curling in just slightly. "I'm tired." Oikawa felt Iwaizumi's arm around him. He was out before he knew it.

The bus arrived back at school. The team exited the bus, taking their things with them. They were all relieved the coach was letting them leave with no meeting. They just needed to put everything away and make sure the gym was closed.

Oikawa and Iwazumi were the last ones to leave. Their last job as captains. The thought was piercing. He pushed it from his mind as they walked toward home silently. With each step, Oikawa could feel himself getting weaker and weaker. His mind was racing with memories. He and Iwaizumi might not get to go to the same university. What then? How long had they been friends? Eleven, twelve years? They'd been dating for the past three. He didn't know what life was like without him.

"Hajime?" The boy started.

"Huh?" Iwaizumi stopped to look at him.

"Can I spend the night?"

Hajime stared at him for a moment, studying him. Oikawa knew he didn't need to say more. They'd known each other long enough to know what the other was thinking. They didn't always need to express it through words. The boy closed the distance between them, pulling him close.

"Of course, Toru," He said gently before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

He wrapped his arm around his shoulders, Oikawa lacing his around the boy's waist. They walked silently toward Iwaizumi's home. The stars twinkled above them. Oikawa studied them, his mind going to all the nights he and Iwaizumi had walked home together. He remembered their first kiss outside the gym on night. He didn't want to ever look at a new set of stars. He wanted to stay right here, right now, with him. But that wasn't how life worked.

Hajime opened the door, greeting his parents as he entered, Toru close behind. He politely greeted them as well, putting on his trademark smile. Hajime's mother let them know that there was food if they wanted. His family had already heard about their loss. Toru was relieved when Hajime's parents agreed to him staying the night. He sent a quick text to his mother letting her know. He was glad their families had gotten so close over the years. These kind of things wouldn't fly he was sure if they hadn't known each other so long.

"I kind of wish you would have missed that first serve so we'd be having ramen," Hajime nudged him.

"You are so mean!" Oikawa pouted.

"You know if I was nice, it'd freak you out. Besides, someone has to keep you from getting a big head, right?"

"Thanks, Iwai-chan," Oikawa winked at him.

The two finished their meals silently before going to Hajime's room. Oikawa strolled in going straight for the bed. He sat down, pulling his knees to his chest. He was finally safe to feel. Everything rushing over him at once. The crush of losing. Now he would never get to battle Ushjima head on again in high school. Sure, maybe one day after, but he didn't want to take a chance. Nobody had expected them to lose. Nobody. He'd missed that receive. He could have done it better. He could have done so much differently. If only he'd trained harder. If only he had thrown better tosses. If only he had focused more on his serves.

He felt the bed sink next to him and an arm wrapped around him. He turned, throwing his arms around Hajime and sobbed into his chest. He would never be able to just walk down three houses and be at his best friend's door after he started university. God, they had to go to the same school. Why was it taking so long for decisions to come?

"I'm sorry," Toru stuttered out. "I should have been better."

"You were fine. I was the one who missed that point. I'm supposed to be the ace and I can't even make it!" Hajime glared through the tears in his eyes.

"Don't blame yourself! Never blame yourself, Hajime! You're amazing." Toru took a deep breath. Fuck it all. "I wanted to crush Tobio-chan. That little brat." Oikawa huffed.

"I don't get why you hate him. The kid looks up to you." Iwaizumi hugged him.

"Because he's better than me! And he always will be! I hate it! I'll never be that good! God, I fucking hate myself."

"You are. You're amazing. Don't you ever say you hate yourself, Toru! How many times do I have to tell you that?" Hajime kissed Toru's hand.

"We might never play as teammates again," Toru sobbed.

"Who will I pick on?" Hajime frowned, wiping away Toru's tears.

"What's going to happen with us? You've always been there? For as long as I can remember? What will I do without you?" Toru felt his heart shattering.

"I'll still be there, you dork," Haijime smirked. "God you're making me ugly cry. Fuck, trashykawa, why?"

"So rude," Toru smiled through the tears.

He pulled Hajime close, kissing him. He just wanted to be close to him. He wanted to live in the moment. He didn't want to cry all night. He just wanted to kiss Hajime as many times as he could before they had to leave. He wanted to remember this night, not as the night everything was lost, but the night that he spent with his best friend, his boyfriend, his partner in crime, in teammate, his everything.

"I love you," He whispered pulling back.

"I love you too," Hajime whispered.

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 _ **Thank you for reading! Review please!**_


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